i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dear god my vagina.
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