I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
