also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
