hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So squirting runs in the family.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
