You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
