so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
