OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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