You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
