i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
