Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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