Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
