tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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