my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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