Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
