Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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