my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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