Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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