Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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