We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
