Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
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