ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
