first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
