sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We are two peas in an std pod
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
