Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
