like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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