i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
