idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
