I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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