I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize