I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
