shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize