lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
