i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
