then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
