I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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