I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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