it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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