i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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