She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
