Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
