You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize