he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
