Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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