I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
