I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
