I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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