This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
