Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
