I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
