Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
