I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
