I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
