He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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