Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
