she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
