I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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