If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
