Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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