Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
