I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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