we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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