why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
