she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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