guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
