We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just had sex bonerless
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
