I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dignity is for republicans.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
