i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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